2nd July 2006

A HAVEN FROM THE GANGSTERS
interview by Mike Wilson
This interview appeared in the Property Section of the newspaper. In a cupboard I
have a set of photographs of my daughter, Ashley, whose picture was
taken in exactly the same place once a year, every year. Weve
been going to a timeshare near Ballater for 20 years, and every year
wed take a photo of Ashley, now 20 herself, by the hot tub. Its a property
that means a lot to me, not least because at a time of my life when
just about everything was pretty turbulent, that place represented solidity.
When things in my life were horrible, that was the one place that was
secure and safe.We decided to buy the timeshare after we had spent a
night in jail. We had been staying in a house not our home
where the police found guns. We were running a pub in the east end of
Glasgow at the time and living among gangsters. We decided in that moment
that we needed to change our lifestyle both quickly and dramatically. The timeshare comprises
a stand-alone lodge in a beautifully designed complex that includes
a swimming pool, a beauty spa and a kids club, which was great
when Ashley was growing up. We book it for a week in November and continue
to go there every year if I cant go because of my work
schedule, my mum and dad still go. In my stand-up
routine, I say about Calton, the area of Glasgow where I used to live,
that everybody there is saving up to move to Iraq, because the official
life expectancy in Calton is 10 years less at 55 than
it is in Iraq. I left the pub
and Calton 11 years ago for the west end of Glasgow, though I still
consider Calton my spiritual home. Youd be amazed at the number
of really talented people, including artists, actors and musicians,
it has produced. The timeshare overlooks
the river Dee, and because its autumn when we go, the colours
are particularly beautiful. My dad has long been into painting and now
Ive taken it up, mainly watercolours. The lodge is built of dark-pink stone and is on two floors, with two en-suite bedrooms downstairs. Upstairs it has a big bedroom with a bed you pull down from the wall, and a sauna and a full kitchen with a balcony that overlooks the Dee. |
Now, of course,
it often acts as a retreat from London if I am doing a lot of work there.
I am sure I suffer carbon monoxide withdrawals for a day or two when
I am there. And you open the door and a wee deer runs away its
like Mary Poppins. Inside, its leather suites and a Bang &
Olufsen stereo. I always bring my own music I never leave for
Ballater without the Eagles. Even though it
is one lodge among many, it feels very secluded. The silence can be
deafening. In Glasgow I was living above the pub and outside it was
24-hours-a-day cars, buses and police sirens, not forgetting the occasional
fight and the junkies and prostitutes arguing underneath my window.
So invariably Id be unable to sleep the first two nights. Even now, with
my life a lot saner, I find it hard to sleep the first night I am there
because of the quiet. You hear an owl and imagine all sorts of things
going on outside. Or youd hear an owl and Ashley would ask, when
she was wee: Whats that? Is it a tiger? Until she
was about six, she kept forgetting that big glass patio doors separate
the house from a patio at the back, so shed occasionally bash
her head against them. From that main room, the lounge, you could sit
back and watch amazing sunsets. Sometimes Id take a few folk up
from Calton, perhaps someone who was having a tough time of it, and
theyd all fall in love with it. I am an eternal optimist and look
for the good in people you have to. I honestly cant
remember how much the timeshare cost us, though I know it was quite
expensive. But it was worth it to get a break from the life of madness
that was living in Calton. Plus there was all this beauty, and facilities
such as the swimming pool that youd get in a fancy hotel. I remember
saying when I first tried clay-pigeon shooting that it was the first
time I had held a gun legally. They were probably calling me Calamity
Jane, I was such a natural good shot. It has always been a mixed and very friendly crowd who stay in the development, though we usually kept quiet about saying too much about ourselves. Last year, though, one of our neighbours, who weve known for years, came over and said, I saw you on the telly, which made me think, Oh no, I
cant come back here again. I was a bit mortified all those people who hadnt known too much about me and my background and yet whose kids had grown up with my kid. But theres no way I wont keep coming back, its that lovely. |