ISSUE: 29th July-4th August 2004

There is nowhere to hide, I have to face the truth and accept that my daughter is 18 and coming to the Edinburgh Fringe with me. She is tall and sexy and I feel like punching every single man/boy who looks at her breasts as they chat.

It is no easy thing being 43 and Scottish and a WOMAN, the only Scottish woman taking a solo comedy show to the Fringe this year.

I am expected to be hysterically funny and on the ball, when all the time I am worried about how fat I am getting, how far my breasts can droop, and all the while watch how slim and pert my child is becoming.

It seems my slow demise is reflected in her burgeoning blossoming!

My show is called Good Godley! It is a very honest account of my life including tales of gangsters, guns, love, meeting famous people and trying to write a book whilst averting prison sentences.

Last year, as this, I will be at the Underbelly venue on the Cowgate. The ancient but majestic building is only opened once every year to be dressed like a whore and dragged out to play against its will, but it always looks good on the night.

I love it, that whole underground feeling the Underbelly evokes: the atmosphere is truly one of the “real spirit of the Fringe”

I love the Fringe and that whole feeling of insecurity mixed with elation when your show gets reviewed, the frantic panic of counting audience members and trying to work out what creates a “buzz” as the PR people keep telling me. Maybe if I lick a fish or punch a member of the Royal family (which I would do gladly - the punch not the fish obviously) I will get people flocking to my buzz-iness!

Soon I will be there dashing down Princes Street, running through the rain and there I will see my own face stuck to the sole of my shoe. A flyer that nobody wanted flapping against my feet. I can’t wait!

ISSUE: 5th-11th August 2004

Moving from Glasgow to Edinburgh was relatively painless. My 18-year-old daughter Ashley insisted on packing seven different handbags, eight pairs of shoes and 43 separate items of clothing. Her bag was stuffed to bursting point and she could hardly drag it upstairs to our lovely High Street apartment.

My own luggage consisted of a six t-shirts, a dozen pairs of knickers, two pairs of shoes, one skirt and two pairs of jeans. I am a minimalist when it comes to bag and baggage. I dress to cover the bits of my body that would frighten people if they saw them naked.

That’s all I would need, if the press saw me naked! Dealing with the press is a new skill I am learning, A recent Sunday Herald interview told the readers that. ‘She talks with astonishing honesty and openness, seemingly willing to
tell me anything at all.’ Should I be more guarded?

I don’t think so, I write a daily blog on the Chortle website (which you can access via www.janeygodley.co.uk) and I expose every damning, scary, funny thought and event that happens in my life. My husband and daughter get worried that every embarrassing moment will end up on the web or here in this diary…and it will!

Ashley flyers for many different shows and is out on the streets doing her stuff for at least eight hours a day. I am amazed at her energy. I have none. She stayed out all last night partying, while I stayed home. She came in drunk and giggly at 5am. I was awake with heartburn, glugging down antacid medicine – it’s my new best friend. She laughed as she passed my bedroom and shouted “Rock and Roll Lifestyle, mum, go easy on that stuff!” I licked the cap and went back to sleep.

The late nights are hard, but I’m pacing myself. Ashley will crash and burn before week two. She has age but I have patience.

ISSUE: 12th-18th August 2004

“What is the weirdest thing that happened to you at the Fringe?” I asked a woman in the Underbelly bar. She was sitting happily drinking and chatting to a vivacious older woman in a bright yellow dress and jaunty red hat.

“Well…” She threw back a glass of gin ( I could smell it), looked me in the eye and said ,“A couple of years ago, I took my husband to see Julian Clary and, afterwards, we met the star himself and went for drinks and. that night, my husband told me he was gay.”

She then looked quite upset and I sat there wishing I had asked the wee woman in the red hat and not the lady with the large gin, who was now buying another large glass and clutching her handbag.

I quickly moved seats and decided never to ask anyone any questions again!

Time to go to work and get some punters in to my show; I have reviewers in again.

Off flyering up in the Royal Mile, the weirdest thing happened to me at the Fringe.

I watched as an elderly man read the back of my flyer - it tells of how I lived with gangsters and got caught with guns. He then came over, looked me straight in the eye and whispered,“Can you get someone killed for me?”

I pulled off my sunglasses, smiled and answered, “Sorry mate, I don’t do hits; wish I could help.”

He then added, “ I’m a homosexual…”

I just stared at him and shook my head.

The man looked dejected, shrugged his shoulders and immediately blended into the swelling crowd.

The sun shone and jugglers juggled, singers sang and theatre groups shouted themselves hoarse to the throngs of people who stood in half circles smiling.

A Big Issue seller stood beyond the crowd and burst into song, his dog jumped to its feet and barked along with him; he was making the best of a good day and putting on a good show.

Buy another Big Issue. We professional performers can worry about ticket sales and reviews, he can do with the cash..

ISSUE: 19th-25th August 2004

Woke up to a threatening phone call on Tuesday. Someone out there does not like me talking about guns and gangsters! I told the caller to put his complaint in writing. I am not scared. I go on stage every night and deal with reviewers making or breaking my show. Now that's scary!

My daughter Ashley is finally exhausted flyering and staying out all night, as predicted, and she went to bed before midnight. I, on the other hand, went out to celebrate getting four FOUR STAR reviews in one week!

I am not a big drinker at all; two shandies and there I was singing songs from Mary Poppins in front of some of Londn's biggest comedy promoters, movers and shakers! No-one frowned at my outbursts and some even joined in with the dance moves! I was popular, even in my giggly, slightly drunken state.

In the morning we celebrated, because Ashley passed her exams. She demanded a champagne breakfast; I was less enthusiastic and promptly vomited in a cafe toilet. You can take the girl out of Glasgow, but not Glasgow out of the girl!

The threatening phone call stayed in the back of my mind so I decided to call my husband and ask his advice. He simply tells me that anyone who tells you in advance that they are coming to get you never actually does it. He say: "Janey, people who have big scars on their face are not to be feared; the people who cut them are - and they NEVER call with a warning."

I know he is right and I know mu show deals with hard issues, but I will not be silenced. I was abused as a child and if I had stayed silent, I would not be me, sitting here writing and going on stage each night to make people laugh. The show must go on.

This is my last Big Issue diary. To keep up with my latest death threats check out my daily diary at www.chortle.co.uk on Fringe Blogs.